It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
