i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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