you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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