i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
