Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
