conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
