I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
