What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
