Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
