walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
