and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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