It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
