I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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