how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
