He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
