I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
