Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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