She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
