OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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