I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
