Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
