just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
