its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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