you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
