Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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