if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
