woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
