Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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