I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
