Pants 0. Shit 1.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
