My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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