i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
