I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
