you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
