Sponge bath it is.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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