Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
