don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
