Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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