just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
