I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
