apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
