He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
