my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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