just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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