Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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