I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
