It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You made out with two different species that night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
