My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drunk is not a location!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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