You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have feelings that need drinking.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
