foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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