i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
