what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it hurts more in the daytime
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
