Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He better not be in your backpack
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
