Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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