for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
